MOXX

"…You know what? i think you’re really stupid with
the decisions you’ve made. oh wait. Let me correct
that. I think You’re just Plain Stupid…and Gullible…"

    —-strong personal written words ei…

        well, i admit i may be stupid in some ways but I’m not perfect and nobody is… but NOBODY can also ever judge me as such especially if a person doesn’t actually know who i am or doesn’t have any idea on what I’ve gone through or presently going through…

…i respect everything you have written..i don’t have anything against you but FYI, every word in your message made a mark, a deep mark that wounded me. i hope you know that words can kill.. (just so you know…chill my friend)

   …I’ve chosen to trust completely and have been silent all this time but still, some people cant simply get it or just don’t understand..

…Sing…— who says you need to have a nice tone so you can sing..

…Dont be reckless with other people’s hearts… — every person deserves to be loved sincerly…

     there are some who are martyrs who seems to be really tough despite all the pains and hurts she or he experiences but we may not know that we actually are seeing a strong willed facade who withstands everything that comes his or her way with a heart which loses one beat in a 100% of love she or he entirely gives everytime she or he is taken for granted by the one she or he truly adores..

      each of us is alive with our hearts beating, now tell me, how can one live if the heart doesnt beat nomore…

     …being reckless with a person’s heart can ruin a life…

…dont put up with people who are reckless with yours...— each and every person has so much love to give, dont waste it to people who doesnt know how to openly receive what you can only do so much….

(moxx—are you really the one writing this????) (well, i may not be practicing this all the time…but all i can say is we must know our limitations, like when we should put up with it or when to let go….ahhh.. i dont know… all i know is that i love..and thats it..haha..but no seriously…

   dang..when you love just love completely and give love till you have no more to give… and when all ways have been done and still nothing seems to turn your way thats when you give up..

    remember..giving up and letting go doesnt necessarily mean that you dont love the person anymore..actually, thats a genuine proof of love..by letting him or her free where in you know he or she will be happy...dont worry he or she will also realize later on your worth and what he or she has lost..haha..

…Floss…—dental floss…haha…helps reduce plaque buildup and the risk of gingivitis (MINT FLOSSERS) which by the way destroys the beauty of ones smile…so FLOSS…remember..somebody’s day can be made with a simple smile..so again..FLOSS and then SMILE…

"…i enjoy being here…"—Mr. Duncan wrote in a postit pad after he had his eye exam

I can scream, shout whenever i want, laugh out loud, cry my heart out, "voice out" my opinions, sweet talk my baby, create sound using my vocals, share stories, blab about many things, whisper secrets, hear beautiful music, listen to chitchats..in short i can hear and talk..but why is it that sometimes i still cant find the best words to express how i feel to someone especially if i am hurting already..or why is that sometimes i still cant seem to understand what others are saying to me...unlike Mr Duncan…

Mr. Duncan is a sweet old man who is deaf and mute, he only communicates through writing, body and hand language. Never did one person who ive only been with for less than an hour made a great impact in me.

i dont know how he did it, how he does it or how he do it …but through his silence he can communicate a lot…he let me feel acknowledged and appreciated and seem to understand everything that im trying to convey and let him understand…

—ALERT—relate to own experiences—

mmm…what can silence possibly reveal or carry out…

to moxx silence…(from personal experiences)

•      can have a certain impact to a person if he or she is sensitive enough to what you are feeling or trying to say or make him or her understand..
•       doesnt mean i dont really care about something but i just prefer to not speak out or say someting back to not have a big fight about it…
•      can mean im very touched and just cannot find the right words to thank him or her.. silence of appreciation as i may term it..
•      can mean that im missing someone but i perfectly know that i cannot do anything about it since im miles away…
•      equals to "i am so overwhelmed" and i am out of words…
•    doesnt mean defeat, its just that sometimes i get so tired to hear makeup stories or messages bringing me down and messages written intentionally to confuse me or make me mad or make me feel stupid..
•    simply means i surrender and just choose to completely trust …

big thanks to Mr Duncan..he made me think..think hard..think deep again after sometime…

…im silent all this time…i hope you understand why…

Everybody’s Free (to wear sunscreen)…this is one of the few songs that i recommend that others would have to listen to..after i heard this through my friend i was kept thinkng and after a month of hearing it i digged out the lyrics so i can fully anlayze it and react about it..

       …Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh nevermind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay befor you and how fabulous you really looked ..you’re not as fat as you imagine..—true! true!we live only once..we become 1-2-3- 4 -5 -6 - 7 -8 -9 -10-11- 12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20-21—and so on years old once…so we should enjoy what we still can do..lets face it ..the energy that the youth have is far differnt from what our elders are trying to exhibit..

        …dont worry about the future;or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. the real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blinside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday..—i hate worrying..maybe we can just say that we should think about the future…thinking would make more sense than worrying at least in thinking we get to be able come up with certain things not like worrying..sometimes it only leads to more issues and whats worse is paranoia..it is necessary to "think" about the future..not worry about it because as long as you know where you’re at and as long as you live life to the fullest..everything will fall into place..dont worry..just think…

         …do one thing everyday that scares you…you know why..because sometimes the best things in life are the ones that you’re scared to try and be in..

this is just a start…ill be posting other advises from the song  Everybody’s Free( to wear sunscreen) by Bas luhrmann…gotta go..

…thinking aloud status mode on…

well, life after college is really intimidating as i had expected..its not just living reality because i have been living reality all my life since i was born but it is being open to many realities… that as a  student i havent really considered to see as i am preoccupied with schoolwork and socializing and being an expertise of something… but but BUT there is a lot out there in our colleges and universities that i thought i didnt just consider seeing but actually am afraid to face not until now..

i am in a whole new world ( as may say) and now is as intimidating as ever..living away from the place i grew up in for 20 years and have not being capable of being independent all my life is one challenge for me…and this challenge becomes harder as i live everday..and it becomes even harder for me because i am facing this so-called challenge without my loved ones by my side ( my family, my boyfriend and my friends–my true friends(my stars))—truly presence makes a big difference..

but you know why i am still sane..because as i have stepped into this WHOLE NEW EVERYTHING..God also stepped with me..and made sure that WE would be together..inspite of me being a sinner, God has introduced himself to me again here..in this kaleidoscopic world i am now…and with Him, my brother and my second family here, the love of my family, my boyfriend and my stars..i know that this whole new everything will not be as new as i have once entered it..

…ho..hum..shift into: finish your laundry now moxx..hehe..

till my next post..  

in my work as an optometric assistant, i get to deal with a lot of people..and different ones too..i get to interact with elders ( some are really very sweet),  with kids ( the youngest ive handled so far was 4 yrs old), with teenagers, yuppies, middle ages like 40s..not only that.. they all have different nationalities, some even have interpreters with them that i felt that im in a miss universe pageant…hehe..well, the patients too get to deal with a girl who has multiple nationalties..hehe..(physically maybe but not by heart..)

awhile ago i was dealing with a new patient who is a filipina..of course i should speak to her in english still because maybe she grew up here and she prefers to speak in english or whatsoever..but as the interview moves on, i realized that she is having a hard time in speaking in english and organizing the words so i just told her that i am a Filipina and i started talking in tagalog already..she laughed and said that she thought i was chinese..i laughed too

…and i counted her in the club…hehe..the club of patients who have mistakenly thought that im a chinese or japanese girl..

yes, there are alot of times that i was thought to be chinese..or japanese..or whatever..but one thing still remains and could never be changed..i AM a FILIPINO..and my heart belongs back home..where my loved ones are..the PHILIPPINES…

i became the salad monster yesterday….—-> well maybe you already have a clue why…

the main dishes of my lunch and dinner are both salads..i had four plate full of salad all in all this day..mmm..a total yum yum for me…

"…try and try until you succeed.." —a famous motto of a lot of people…this motto has been claimed by many as their own and now i join them in claiming that too as one of my mottos too..

hours ago in the optometry ( where i am working)…

          my bosses were all talking about me..my aunt approached me and told me that i was the one that they are talking about..she told me that Dr. Meyer is impressed by my work..i was happy with what she said but what made me happier was when Dr. Meyer ( the one boss i am intimidated to ) approached me and said that he is very thankful that i am with their team….the feeling was unexplainable really because in my 3 weeks of working in the office, my attention was always called and they were all like telling me something about the things that i have done..well, its a good thing  i always take all in and try my best to apply everything that they are telling me because now it was made known to me that all my efforts in doing the best i can in my work were all appreciated and well accredited.

being an optometric assistant may not be in line with my course but i can say that being in this job now is very fulfilling as i get to interact with a lot of different kinds of people and a job that makes me grow because i always make everyday a learning experience for me..truly everyday i learn new things..from neutralizing glasses, from asking the interview questions, the medical abbreviation used in optometry etc..i grow because i learn..

        what is happening to me now is one definition of success..

            success for me is continuously being satisfied with something that one has done..truly i am continuously being satisfied with this..

this is a start…

later on i  know that by trying and trying…and trying…trying..and trying…i can be more successful…but in second thought..i can never be perfectly successful..it goes on and on..till I’m not giving up..

till my next post…

missing everybody..

love you my kixx!

yes yes yes..its my day off today from work, well didnt expect this because they had me working for the whole week last time….hmm….as im stuck here at home, well got to be productive still right..mmmm…lets see..i did my laundry today, cooked rice for my family here..mmm..and what else..thats it..thats productive right..hehe..well, to those who know me well, that will be productive..imagine.."moxx, the inglasera, dependent girl did laundry today and cooked rice..hmmm…its good to see her for real doing those things ei" hehe..well ive changed alright..but not in terms of how i deal with people and my personality but rather with regards to knowing responsibilities and being independent( a little, but not yet completely..)

i am still a baby..a baby that can be stubborn and can be lazy and can spend the whole day lying down and watching tv at times..but really..

i am still moxx..the moxx that everybody knows back home..the one who loves stars and mickey mouse and who cries everytime to surprises..

…mmm…sometimes i hate being home alone..it only makes me more homesick and damn…think about all my loved ones back home..

my family..my kada..my FE family….the pep squad..my baby prince..i miss you ( *hug*)..terribly..

till my next post..muah!